novel with AI, Philosophy Zombie

Philosophy Zombie

Oi, mates! Want to know my nickname? It's 'Philosophy Zombie'. Fancy hearing how I ended up with such a bonkers name?

Last summer hols, I was just your average Year 8 student. Then, by chance, I picked up this philosophy book. Blimey, was that a game-changer!

"Crikey! There are people who think like this?" I stayed up all night reading. Next morning, I looked in the mirror and saw proper massive bags under my eyes. Looked like a right zombie, I did.

First day back at school, I went up to my mates and said, "Lads, d'you reckon the world we see is real? Or are we in some Matrix-style simulation?"

My friends looked proper confused. "What's got into you? Eat some dodgy curry over the break?"

That's when they started calling me 'Philosophy Zombie'. But did I stop? Not likely!

Once, during lunch, I piped up, "This shepherd's pie we're eating - does it really exist? Or is it just our brains playing tricks on us?"

My mate next to me quipped, "If you're that worried about it, I'll have your portion!"

In Maths, I asked, "Miss, who decided that 1+1 equals 2? Might be different for aliens, mightn't it?"

The teacher sighed and said, "Johnson, if you're that curious, how about staying after school to solve an extra hundred problems?"

During PE, I had another thought. "Is it really our choice to run, or are we just part of some cosmic plan?"

The PE teacher looked at me and said, "Johnson, whether it's your choice or the universe's plan, something's making you run. So how about another 20 laps?"

After all this, one of my mates asked, "Why d'you keep asking such barmy questions?"

That's when it hit me - what I'd learned might sound a bit odd to others. So I replied, "Well... probably 'cause I'm a 'Philosophy Zombie'?"

My friends cracked up laughing, and I joined in.

Even now, they'll say, "Oi, Philosophy Zombie! What mad thoughts have you had today?"

I'll grin and say, "Well, I was wondering if we're all living on a giant hamster wheel."

Now my questions are a bit of a laugh in our form. Why don't you try tossing out a philosophical question? Fair warning though, you might end up a 'Philosophy Zombie' too!

So, that's how I became the 'Philosophy Zombie'. What d'you think? Amusing, innit? Oh, wait... does amusement really exist?